“He shall judge the world in righteousness, And He shall administer judgment for the peoples in uprightness” (Psalm 9:8).
My Story: “I want you to hurt as much as I do, as much as Jenny does. Sorry doesn’t cut it,” I screamed at Kent one afternoon. Sometimes I wanted to choke him to death; others I wished God would strike him dead. But mostly I worked to forgive him.
The Lesson
Revenge is defined as: 1) to exact punishment or expiation for a wrong on behalf of, especially in a resentful or vindictive spirit; 2) to take vengeance for.i It is clearly stated in the Bible that vengeance belongs to the Lord (Deut. 32:35). Rom. 12:19 tells us, “Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, ‘I will take revenge; I will pay them back.’ says the LORD.” Yes, I wanted my husband to hurt, to receive the punishment he deserved, but I had to leave judgment to God and the legal system. My job was to forgive him.
Forgiveness is for our benefit not the perpetrator’s. An unforgiving heart is fertile ground for bitterness, and bitterness poisons our spirit. It doesn’t matter how we feel because we rarely feel like forgiving, and it doesn’t matter whether our offender asks for it. Jesus tells us to forgive because God has forgiven us (Matt. 6:14-15).
I struggled for many months because I thought to forgive also meant to forget and act as though nothing had ever happened—the old cliché forgive and forget. But something had happened and I didn’t want this man back in my life or my children’s lives in any way. To forget was asking too much. When I learned that forgetting wasn’t part of forgiving, forgiveness came easier. Also, forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to allow that person into your life, especially if the relationship is unsafe. Forgiveness simply means you give up your right to demand punishment of that person.
Vengeance makes a good plot for the fiction novelist and screenwriter. That’s the only place it belongs. Our appropriate response is forgiveness. It can seem a nasty pill, but remember, God has forgiven you (for all have sinned) and He commands you to forgive others. “And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.” (Mark 11:25-26).
Take Action: Forgive
· When you find the thoughts of revenge seeping in, give them to God immediately. If you embrace them, they will work their way into your heart and bitterness will take root. It may very well lead you down a road that ends in jail. Thoughts you dwell on drive you to action; make those thoughts positive and productive.
· No, forgiveness isn’t easy. You must persevere and give it time. Each time you feel unforgiving, you must choose to forgive again and again until forgiveness is complete.
Prayer:
Father, Forgive me for my hate and anger. I badly want________ (insert perpetrator’s name) to be punished for what he’s done to my daughter, but your word tells me vengeance belongs to You. I give_________ (name) over to You; You are his judge. I choose to forgive _____________________ (name). Help my emotions line up with my choices and help me to forgive. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Excerpt from Help! My Husband Has Sexually Abused Our Daughter
“You answered them, O LORD our God; You were to them God-Who-Forgives, Though You took vengeance on their deeds” (Psalm 99:8).
i Webster’s New Universal Unabridged Dictionary, Random House Value Publishing, Inc. 1996
Bio: Debra L. Butterfield is a freelance writer and speaker. Her book, Help! My Husband Has Sexually Abused Our Daughter: a Devotional Guide for Mothers of Victims, is available at Booklocker.com. You can read more about her book at http://www.debralbutterfield.com/index_files/Page4324.htm
Debra is launching an electronic magazine late Feb. or early March 2009. It's called Glory and Strength, a Christian publication and is designed to give encouragement and hope to women who have been impacted in some way by sexual abuse, physical abuse, adultery, etc. Check out the website, www.gloryandstrength.com to find a sample article where you can sign up, if you are interested. Then pass this information on to those you know who can benefit from this ezine. For more information, visit Debra's Web site at www.debralbutterfield.com.
