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REVIEW OF HIGH CALL HIGH PRIVILEGE: A PASTOR’S WIFE SPEAKS TO EVERY WOMAN IN A PLACE OF RESPONSIBILITY

AUTHORED BY GAIL MAC DONALD

The original book was published in 1991. This completely revised and updated version was published in 1998. The author Gail MacDonald has a conservative Baptist background. She and her pastor husband, Gordon, have been in the ministry for over forty years serving at four churches and one para-church organization. The diversity and challenges presented by the various places they served have taught them flexibility and humility along the way. Together they continue to present seminars for Christian leaders.

Gail has written in a somewhat autobiographical format and her marriage and ministry are the basis of this book.

At the time this book was published, Gail was reaching the age of sixty. I was immediately interested as I read the first sentence which says, “The older I grow the more aware I am that I live under the grand umbrella of God’s kindness, mercy, and leadership”.[1] Her comment resonated with my life experience and opened me up to what the author had to say in the rest of her book.

Gail tells her life story while weaving in themes and principles for having a successful Christian life. She begins with the need for prioritizing relationships. Her number one priority is her knowledge of and intimacy with God. She states, “If this relationship isn’t vital and lively, all other connections are up for grabs”.[2] Life experience has taught me that intimacy and knowledge of God must be my number one priority as well.

I wholeheartedly agree with the author that priority number two must be having a relationship with myself. As a younger woman, I did not realize the importance of this. In spite of a rich devotion time, I did not understand that I had lost myself to the whims of others and as a result, my relationship with God and others suffered.

Gail’s third priority is her husband and the fourth priority is being a mother, a mother-in-law, and a grandmother. Finally, her fifth priority has to do with her ministry to the body of Christ. She believes that when she deviates from these priorities she is soon in trouble. These priorities evolved out of her life of Christian service and the often-tough lessons she learned. She says of these priorities, “. . . they are points of growth from which can emerge a clearer vision of how to reflect the splendor of God and the joys of personal relationships. God means for us to finish strong”.[3] In the book written by Lorry Lutz, Women as Risk-Takers for God, women often have different priorities than He gave to Gail. That is why I am delighted that she did not suggest that her priorities are the only ones for a Christian woman to have. Instead, she presented them as an example of what worked for her and what may work for other wives of husbands in the ministry.

I very much related to and appreciated the story about the aged minister who said, “Untended fires soon die and become just a pile of ashes”. Hearing this description of taking care of the fire within is another way of expressing the importance of the presence of Christ in the life of a believer. Gail quoted from Isaiah to confirm the validity of this truth.

“But see here, you who live in your own light, and warm yourselves from your own fires and not from God’s; you will live among sorrows. (Isaiah 50:11 TLB)

Being close to Jesus causes us to long for his likeness, offers direction and stability, and establishes proper motives and responses. It is especially important to those who face the demands of ministry that they give priority to seeking God. It is often a choice between busyness, people pleasing, or the urgent, and putting God first. There is no person who is able to take away our pain or can fully understand us. That is why we need to be careful about trying to warm our souls at another person’s fire.

Gail and her husband Gordon began their ministry in the small farming town of St. Francis, Kansas. They lived in a remodeled farmhouse where the nearest neighbor was a long way down the road. They came to love that simple home. In their immaturity though, they made mistakes and now sheepishly recall the moment when Gordon impulsively resigned in total discouragement.

Afterward, in their desire to continue to find God’s will, they made themselves available to speak and sing. They did not charge fees and instead hoped that people would cover their expenses. They drove thousands of miles on the weekends. Through that preaching experience, they came to have a deeper understanding of what people’s needs were.

            The first great lesson Gail had to master if she were to be an effective Christian woman, a wife, and a mother was her need to submit to the fact that God is in control and is able to bring good out of every circumstance. She would need to learn to draw strength from the Lord and find character lessons from her experiences. During those times, God answered her prayers with grace and she learned flexibility.

            Pastoral ministry can be demanding in that a pastor may have to wait for a phone call from a congregation asking him to be its pastor. Gail and Gordon have experienced four such calls in their years of ministry. One church in which they served as leaders had suffered from the leadership of a harsh pastor. Some of its people had left the church. During their time of service at this church, they learned the importance of listening and the unconditional love and acceptance of the individuals in the congregation.

            Every major change of Gail’s life became an opportunity to assess the lessons learned from each experience. Out of this reflection came the realization that she was a people-pleaser. She came to understand that while serving Jesus is a joy, worrying about pleasing people is a burden. She decided to “Live as if you are playing to an audience of One”.[4] In other words, she is answerable to God and not people. One of the things that helped Gail to overcome her tendency to be a people-pleaser was learning about her own temperament. In the process of learning more about her personality, she learned how not to take herself so seriously and to become a calmer and more reflective person. She is an extravert, loves to connect with people, and tends to enjoy activity. Because of this she finds inward quiet time challenging. However, over the years she has benefited from developing her introverted side.

Gail and Gordon have agreed throughout their ministry that their family would come first. Home would be the place where they would sharpen their relational skills. What happened in the congregation would simply be an overflow of what was being experienced within their family. In order to keep this priority they had to give attention to prevailing attitudes in their home. They persistently worked on having an attitude of enthusiasm. They also put a high premium on the spirit of thankfulness. They tried to be consistent with their children and realized that their own children needed to be spiritually led. Communication and resolving conflicts was also an important part of their household.

Without going into the details of what happened, Gail reveals that her husband was unfaithful in the 80’s. She says, “There is a tendency to believe that if one tries to do everything right (and you understand I am exaggerating), then nothing in life will go awry. That simply is not the case. A rigorous spiritual discipline, working hard at healthy relationships, and trying to pursue the life of a biblical servant are unquestionably the only way to live. But they are not guarantees against pain or failure”.[5]

The disclosure of her husband’s betrayal grabbed my interest. Much of this book is traditional Christian teaching on family, church, and personal devotions and as such is not new to me. However, as I read about the spiritual crisis she had faced, I found myself relating to her struggle with her husband’s betrayal and her responses to it. I, too, once believed that if I did my very best, everything would be well for my family and me. I now realize that trouble comes to everyone and it is in times of trial that a more meaningful walk with God begins to grow. Without the challenges that our troubles bring, we tend to come up with worldly answers instead of Spirit led ones. Sin with its public humiliation often brings us to total dependence upon God and is where we learn about the importance of grace and the freedom that forgiveness gives.

I, like Gail, learned from the school of hard knocks that we can choose to embrace the pain associated with the trials of life or we can run from it. Only when we say yes to the pain is God able to redeem the experience and make it a source of healing for others. I also learned as she did, that not answering my critics was the best way to handle the challenges faced from the opinions of others. Instead I found comfort from “book friends”. According to Gail, book friends are those writers who raise our hopes with faith-filled words of encouragement. The classics are great for finding “book friends”.

Gail writes that no one sins alone, but I believe there are many betrayed without having done anything to cause it. Those times of victimization can cause us to pass or fail the elder brother test. When betrayed, I tried with all of my heart to forgive and forget. The pain was deep and I was so weak, that I failed for a time. Nevertheless, thank God, He did not leave me to my own feeble efforts. Instead, He reached down and lifted me out of my despair and anger. When I finally admitted my utter helplessness to forgive or move forward, God gave me the strength to do so one-step at a time. The next step for me was to take action in the areas I could instead of wallowing in victimization. These were not acts of revenge, but were acts of dignity. What seems like a simple act of forgiveness is actually a deep mystery that involves the work of the Holy Spirit in the heart of the forgiver.

I relate very much to the chapter on friends. Friends are invaluable. They lift us up and challenge us, weep and laugh with us. Giving to others in ministry causes a wearing down which requires renewal to be able to continue. God has built it into each of us to need others. I spend many hours alone and the times I connect with friends are a lifeline to hope and joy.

Jesus said, “A new commandment I give you: Love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another”. (John 13:34-35 TNIV)

Gail’s book would be a good resource for women that are rebuilding their marriages. She and Gordon have successfully overcome the dark side of their marriage and now share in a dynamic and vital love relationship. They continue to serve God through giving marriage and leadership seminars. The downside of ministry is living in a fish bowl so Gail shares important themes, which have gone into preserving their marriage. The first is the importance of pursuing a life of personal relationship with God. I, too, have learned that returning to the fire each day where the presence of Christ is brings renewed strength and joy. It is in our relationship with God that we overcome the trials of life and gain the direction to lead lives according to His will and purposes.

The second theme is having time to live and not just letting the marriage be defined by the ministry. Instead of having a ministry-marriage, couples need to determine to find time to relax, do new things, laugh more and enjoy each other. Their homes need to be a place of real rest of mind and heart. Gail says, “We should never be ashamed to play”.[6]

The third theme for maintaining a strong marriage is having time to talk. Communicating is not learned at church but must be practiced by married partners. Though Gail and Gordon always talked a lot through the years, it was when the talk in their lives waned that they faced trouble. After making a commitment to purposeful communication with each other, they now hardly ever run out of things to talk about. This has brought them a high level of trust and openness between them. Gail cautions that it is important to operate out of wisdom and sensitivity instead of anxiousness.

The fourth theme or principle is for couples to share in a marital quiet time. This is a special time each day where the couple can spend time alone talking and enjoying each other’s company without interruption.

Gail refers to Gordon’s book, Ordering Your Private World, when discussing the fifth theme, “time under control”. When life is undisciplined, the demand of others, and responsibilities can turn joy to despair. Gail and Gordon learned to budget their time just like they do their money. They accomplished this by creating a list of priorities that helped them in finding a balance for a healthy life and marriage. One theme that runs throughout Gail’s book is that we must learn to say no to some things so that we can say yes to the most important ones. I have personally found that I am unable to follow God’s leading in my life while saying yes to every opportunity that comes my way.

The six theme: time to deal with your weaknesses, deals with “when you live a life that is defined by leadership realities, there is the challenge of facing up to weaknesses, character flaws, and failures”.[7] This couple has worked hard to give each other room for down moments, bad moments, and failing moments. They are quick to forgive and challenge one another to continuous growth. They are aware that they need each other in order to identify and live with their weaknesses. This is a lifelong process that they continue.

Gail points out that Paul when talking about the depravity of humanity, mentioned two things that people resist doing in their natural state: They do not honor God. Moreover, they do not thank him. Gail makes it a part of her prayer discipline to honor God on a regular basis. She explains that to honor God is to acknowledge his rightful place as the God above all gods. It requires that we not put ourselves first. Instead, we must remind ourselves of the majesty of the living God and his purposes. This draws us back to a rightful attitude of praise. The second element of her prayer is to develop a thankful heart. She encourages the reader to develop the spiritual habit of honoring God and thanking him so that it becomes as natural as breathing. Gail writes too about the necessity of having a repentant and submissive spirit that requires a constant heart-attitude of spiritual brokenness before the Lord. We must never forget that we are sinners saved by grace and that we are unable to do anything apart from God. God is the One in control and not us. Gail challenges the reader with the important of intercession in the life of a Christian. This type of prayer is often presented to God day after day with no indication that answers are on the way. In our “instant everything” culture, it is easy to forget that we need to pray against all odds and never quit.

Sometimes God calls us back to a place where we are well known and there are no secrets. This was the case when God led Gail and Gordon to go back to a church that they had previously served. This congregation knew their faults and flaws and knew that they had emerged just five years before from Gordon’s marital betrayal and the spiritual challenges that followed. It was not an easy decision for this couple, but they felt that it was God’s will that they do so. Jeremiah 15:19-20 was very significant to them at this time.

“If you will repent, I will restore you that you may serve me; if you utter worthy not worthless words, you will be my spokesman.

Let this people turn to you, but you must not turn to them. I will make you a wall to this people, a fortified wall of bronze; they will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you to rescue and save you”.

They came back to serve at this church thinking that they would cry a lot, but instead they shed tears of joy and awe to be back with those they knew and loved. Gail and Gordon desire to finish the course with strength and godliness and to ensure that a new generation is in place serving the Lord with new ideas and dreams fit for their king.

In conclusion, I would highly recommend Gail’s book. It deeply resonates with me, as I too have seen God’s work in my life over many years of walking with Him. I have experienced His restoration in my personal life though it did not include reconciliation for my former marriage. If the book has a weakness, it may be that it does not address a situation in which one of the spouses has sinned in such a way that reconciliation is not an option or in which one partner is not willing to do the hard work necessary to bring healing. Yet, it does offer hope to those who are struggling with marital problems and are willing to pay the price of a commitment to spiritual growth and each other. Through the lives of Gail and Gordon, their experiences, and their victories, this godly couple has much to offer to women serving in Christian ministry.

BIBLIOGRAPHY

Foster, Richard J. Celebration of Discipline: The Path to Spiritual Growth. New York, NY: HarperCollins Publishers. 1998

Lutz, Lorry. Women as Risk-Takers for God. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Baker Books. 1997.

MacDonald, Gail. High Call High Privilege: A Pastor’s Wife Speaks to Every Woman in a Place of Responsibility. Peabody, Massachusetts: Hendrickson Publishers, Inc. 1998.

Today’s New International Version of the Bible. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan. 2001

End Notes

[1] Gail Mac Donald. 1998. High Call High Privilege. A Pastor’s Wife Speaks to Every Woman in a Place of Responsibility. (Peabody, Massachusetts: Hendrickson Publishers, Inc.), xi.

[2] Ibid. xii.

[3] Ibid., xiv.

[4] Ibid. 50.

[5] Ibid. 121, 122.

[6] Ibid. 166.

[7] Ibid. 175.